Contempt

Contemptuous words erode the emotional connection and intimacy between partners. They create a toxic atmosphere filled with negativity and hostility, making it difficult for both individuals to feel safe, supported, and understood in the relationship. Contempt includes name-calling, insults, mocking, humiliating, and aggressive sarcasm. It can leave one or both partners feeling belittled and afraid. Learning the skills to communicate safely with respect even when you disagree or are unhappy, is essential.

 

Defensiveness
Defensive reactions can become an unconscious reflex when contempt and criticism exist. Defensiveness is a way to protect yourself from feeling attacked, disrespected, or verbally abused. However, it is still extremely destructive. It builds walls between partners because it spirals the conflict around in circles, and issues are left unresolved. Speaking less defensively involves setting appropriate language boundaries with your partner, learning how to feel secure in receiving constructive criticism while differentiating between destrutive criticism, and utilizing effective listening methods that leave you feeling safe and your partner feeling heard during a conflict.​